The Queen
"Do you remember my telling “one day I'd live like a Queen in my country? That one day opportunity would knock and I'd meet a rich man with more money than sense? Who had more cash than he knew what to do with? Well, it's taken sixty years but I've finally found him! I met him at Nancy, here in this town, under my nose. He approached me. I recalled my mother's advice: "Be patient; don't run around after men, let them come to you. I had told you before, my mother believed in destiny and luck.
"Really?" her friend said. "Did opportunity knock on your door as you say? I was wondering where all your money was coming from!"
" I'd only been back a week from my break in Nigeria. I was flat broke and couldn't even pay the rent. Then this stupid, rich man entered my life. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! My life changed in an instant. Can you imagine that? A stupid, loaded man came by. He was just what I needed! Destiny intervened, just like I said it would. Look, it was like this:
Once a man had a very small shop in his van. For over ten years he'd been unable to sell a really ugly old ceramic and heavy vase which he had in the van. Then one day a tourist came in and asked: "How much for the vase?" The man told him to pay what he liked. The customer handed over some cash but the owner thought he heard it say "Don't sell me. I'll be lucky for you."Thinking quickly he apologized to the tourist and said it wasn't for sale after all. At closing time he put all his wares in his van, locked up as usual, locked up and went home. Over dinner, he told his wife a curious story. His wife became angry and berated him for his stupidity. She smashed the vase on the floor. As it broke up dozens of gold coins scattered all over the kitchen. Do you follow? This is what I mean by destiny and chance."
"Yes," replied her friend. "The man's destiny was right in front of him all those years, in the vase, but he didn't know it."
"Precisely. Now, this stupid rich man had lots of women sniffing around him at the Nancy but I was the one who netted him. "Hello handsome," I said, "care for a spin on the dance floor with a piece of sex on legs like me?" I said this with a big grin. I was warm with some shots as usual. He immediately disentangled himself from all the others and went off with me. That's all it took!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Amazing, eh?" Her friend nodded.
The "Queen"lit a small piece of incense in a pot. The fragrance filled the room. It would keep evil spirits away. Suddenly she put her hand on her heart and grimaced. "I don't know what's happening. It really hurts just here."
Her friend said it was nothing. "Sometimes I get pain there too. Just ignore it and it'll go away. Now, why are you calling this man stupid? Is it because he gave you all his wealth?"
"Please, let me finish. I was broke and feeling a bit blue. When I saw this man, I put down my glass on the bar and went over. The line I spun worked and soon we were dancing. One of his little pieces of stuff walked past and hissed "You bandit!" I ignored this. We exchanged names - Juliet and Robby - and started throwing a few shapes. Robb seemed a little tipsy which I thought was all to the good. Shouldn't have too much trouble separating this one from his wallet, I thought. I winked at the bartender, who smiled back. Then I heard a voice in my head say "Take him outside." It was just like the story I told you. I took his hand and we went over to the bar. I finished my wine and my new friend ordered 2 brandies. He swayed a little and grabbed the edge of the bar for support.
"Are you OK?"
"Yeah, fine. What's the time?"
"Nearly one."
"One in the morning? Well, it doesn't matter to me."
We got chatting. He told me he was always alone in the world. He had no family and his parents were dead. I couldn't believe my luck. He tossed off his drink and ordered another. He took out some banknotes and spread them on the bar. The bartender took a hundred and pushed the rest back to him. We went into a quiet corner, taking our drinks with us. He tried to kiss me but I pulled away, telling him we'd only just met. I took a risk; he might have left. I just didn't want him to think I was easy."
"I know you,” her friend laughed. "You're clever with men.”
"Do you have a place?" he asked. “He was slurring his words now.”
"Why?" I asked.
"I'm at the hotel." He said,
When he said that I was 100% sure I could meet him.
"If you're OK we could go back there."
"Would you prefer my home?"
"Yes". He said.
"Why?"
"Because I'm looking for a relationship, not a fling or one-night stand. I'm tired of a fling."
Normally I don't invite a man back to my place unless I know him well. However...
"You're very tactful," the friend said.
Robb asked why I was thinking it over. Did I want to go off or not? I explained that it'd cost him more if we used my place. He took out his bank card and waved it in my face.
"See this? See this? There's a million on this. All yours, if we agree."
"I don't believe you. It's just a lie. You're drunk."
"You'll see."
When we finally left, it was almost 2 am. Robb bought a bottle of gin to take with us. My dream of living like a queen back in my country was edging closer.
"You're a lucky woman!" exclaimed her friend. "You've won twice the lottery and now you look like you're going to win it a third!"
Juliet put her hand on her chest and, raising her eyes to Heaven, said yes. "The first time I bought some land back home then I built on it. All I needed now was the money to furnish it - my new friend was going to offer me". She laughed.
"When did all this take place?"
"Oh, about six months or so ago. He wasn't all there, to be frank. He needed somebody to look after him. He didn't like being in a nursing home."
"What was he before?"
"I don't really know. Whatever it was they forced him to take early retirement due to his alcoholism. His monthly payments mounted up. When he told me he had a million he wasn't far out. He had 800 000. As long as he's alive I've got a chance to get my hands on it."
"And now, six months on?"
"I don't know how much he's got now."
"But I thought you had his bank card?"
I swear he's spent up! All the money he had has gone. 800 000 in six months! Can you credit it? His bank manager phoned him to ask why the spending spree and was told to mind his own business!"
"I don't follow. How come he saved all that money if he was stupid? And where did he get it from? It can't all have been his early retirement pension." Her friend asked.
"His father, before he died, had transferred all his assets to his brother's account. He asked him to make sure that Robb never went short. But the uncle kept most of the money himself and kept Robb on short rations. He knew his nephew was an alcoholic and that he'd just drink the cash away."
"Of course the uncle was right." Her friend said.
"No, he wasn't, you idiot!After, Robb asked me to live with him and look after him. I asked the uncle for some of the money so we could make ends meet. He transferred 400 000 to my account, just like that!"
"What did you do with it?"
"I saved it for him. I'm not as stupid as Robb."
"I believe you."
"Yesterday I sent some to my family via Western Union."
“How much was it? If you don’t mind?
"Thirty thousand!" She gasped. "Yes, Caring for a crazy man takes money, you know."
"You're really lucky, you know that? What are you going to do with all that cash?"
"Nothing. What did you do with the 300 000 you got from a wheelchair man?"
"I just banked it," replied her friend.
"What about all that money you stole from him?"
"Shut up. It was mine. He told me to marry him but I ignored him. Then he began to seduce me."
"By the way, why did he give you all that money? And why was he in a wheelchair?"
"After the car accident, his wife left him, and didn't want to spend the rest of her life as a nurse, I suppose. I came on the scene. He fell for me. He was really grateful. Men are stupid, aren't they? In their heart of hearts, they must know we're trying to fleece them. The fool wants us to marry. He wants me to look after him. But I made it clear I wanted him to buy a house for us first and put it in my name before any marriage ceremony."
"Is he rich?
"He is, but I don't really care. Frankly, I'm getting tired of him. He phones every day telling me how much he loves me and I reply to the house first, then love. It's getting boring, it really is."
"Will you really do that?"
"No, of course not. How can I marry a man in a wheelchair?"
"So we're birds of a feather. Welcome to the gold diggers club!"
They both laughed.
"Fancy another?" asked Juliet, indicating two empty wine glasses.
"Why not?"
She returned with two refills. "I've decided to go back home before my family spends all that 30 000."
"You're going to use it all to buy furniture?"
"No. Four big containers of furniture have already gone to Nigeria. I need the money to cover the cost of sending them."
"Do you want to go home for good?"
"Naturally but I don't know when that'll be. At the moment I go back to Christmas. My drunk has paid for seven of us to go."
"Seven?"
"Why not? There's me, my daughter and her five kids."
"Tell me, why did your daughter divorce her husband? I thought he was a very good man."
"And so he was. But he didn't have much money. Now I'm rich I can give her money and the children get money from their father. Here she lives high on the hog and she wants to build a house back home, like her mother. She should have divorced five years ago. If she should, It would have been finished by now."
"Is Rob going to come with you this Christmas?"
"No, I'm not crazy! A stupid man in my backyard! My family would make me a laughing stock! Tolerating him here is my limit."
"Well, I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas."
"Same to you." No sooner had Juliet uttered those words than her head slumped forward on to her chest. She lost her balance and fell off her chair. She was conscious and kept croaking "Help me...
help me" Her friend phoned for an ambulance and then the daughter. Two ambulances came immediately. The paramedics did all they could but she was DOA at the hospital. "Sorry we couldn't save her," they said. The daughter, overwhelmed by grief, fell on her mother's body and began weeping.
"How many times, mother, have I told you to go to the doctor about your heart? You needed an operation. But you wouldn't listen to me, you stupid woman!
KZ
